i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
