never play flip cup with pint glasses
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
