Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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