I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
