I could have mohawked her pubes.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Randomize
