Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
