Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
pray to the hookup gods
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Randomize
