...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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