Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
