How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
