I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
