I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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