i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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