There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
