That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
