How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
