you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
