its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
