She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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