He disabled his match.com account in front of me
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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