U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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