You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
