i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
