Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
