Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
