He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
