When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
