If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
