Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
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