He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.