Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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