I want leopard sheets
thats the plan
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.