oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?