just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
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They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
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We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one