I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
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and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
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There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?