Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
23 People Have Step Parents That Are Younger Than Them
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!