i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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