I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
