Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
