i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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