She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
