U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
