I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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