good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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