There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
