her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
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I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
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Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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