I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
