I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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