I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
