you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
