Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
