Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I supernannyed him into submission
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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