ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
