I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
