so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
