One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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