I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
