I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
