i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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