you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
