I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
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