I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
