people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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