So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Sorry my hands just texted you
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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