he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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