I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
