just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
