I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize
