Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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