Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
