His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
