hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Randomize
