I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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