i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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