it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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