You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Houston, we have a blender
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
