Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Someone shattered a urinal.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Sex in the backyard? Check.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
