So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
