operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
