I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
